I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize