i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
