are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my shit smells like andre
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
