The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
