im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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