im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
