I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
