I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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