The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
