Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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