wat bout pragnant strippers??
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
