I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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