turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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