He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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