Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
