I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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