Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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