But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
