Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
