Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
