I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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