so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I have post one night stand depression
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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