I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
