Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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