dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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