Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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