I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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