Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
