Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
