I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im holly from the hills drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
