I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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