Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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