I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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