Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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