I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
