dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
