But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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