bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You can't motorboat a personality
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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