Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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