The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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