I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
