just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
