I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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