I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
