just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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