can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
