I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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