Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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