no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
