Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
