I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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