fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
