Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
