My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
