By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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