Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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