The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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