She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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