sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
