he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
