She is in my trunk
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
