I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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