I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
