you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
