I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
please come you make the beer taste better
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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