The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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