Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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