yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He shit in the fireplace
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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