this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
