mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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