I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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