Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
