Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
