We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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