Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
