I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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