Buhtt sex?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
